George Carlin Musings

Additional stuff in post #6

From his book entitled "Napalm & Silly Putty".

Short Takes
If the police never find it, is it still a clue?

There is something I like about the clitoris, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

People on a diet should have a salad dressing called "250 islands".

They say only 10 percent of the brain's function is known. Apparently the function of the remaining 90 percent is to keep us from discovering its function.

When you think about it, 12:15PM is actually 11:75AM.

An Art thief is a man who takes pictures.

Euphemisms
At some point in my life, the following changes have occurred:

toilet paper = bathroom tissue
sneakers = running shoes
false teeth = dental appliances
medicine = medication
information = directory assistance
the dump = the landfill
motels = motor lodges
house trailers = mobile homes
used cars = previously owned vehicles
room service = guest room dining
riot = civil disorder
strike = job action
zoo = wildlife park
jungle = rain forest
swamp = wetlands
glasses = prescription eyewear
garage = parking structure
drug addiction = substance abuse
soap opera = daytime drama
gambling joint = gaming resort
prostitute = sex worker
theater = performing arts center
wife beating = domestic violence
constipation = occasional irregularity

Ok, that's enough for now. More later...

Gotta luv george.:rofl1:

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

George Carlin


Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

George Carlin

...sounds like a snack food, tater t*t's, Cheese tit's...

:lmao:

More Short Takes

Suppose you took an oath by placing your right hand on the Bible and raising your left? Would the oath still count? Does God really give a shit? Does anyone?

There are eleven teams in the Big Ten.

Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

I think we ought to just go ahead and make "zillion" a real number. "Gazillion," too. A zillion could be ten million trillions, and a gazillion could be a trillion zillions. It seems to me it's time to do this.

When I was a kid I can remember saying, "Cross my heart and hope to die." I'd like to confess now that I never really meant the second part.

Don't you think it's funny that all these tough-guy boxers are fighting over a purse?

I wonder: On rainy nights does the sandman send the mudman?

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

Regarding "safe and sound": I've often been safe, but seldom have I been thought of as sound.

What exactly is a wingding?

Why do they call one sport "women's tennis," and then turn around and call the other one "ladies' golf"?

Ok, enough for now...:yesnod:

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: