My dad died today.... - Page 2

MADN3SS · 10-29-2006, 07:08 AM

Sorry to hear about your dad. It's tough to pay your respects to someone who seemed like he didn't respect you, but that's your decision. I don't think I would.

Your dad reminds me of mine in a way. I lost touch with him years ago, but my sister still speaks with him. He's gone from job to job, been homeless for a while and is basically not a good person. He currently resides in the Florida State penitentiary for child molestation from the children of his third wife.

I don't ever want to talk to him again. But like you, I'm sure I'll have some mixed emotions whenever he passes. I still find myself thinking of the few things we have or had in common. Cars being one of them. I just wish I would have learned a few things about cars from him before all that.

REDAZ · 10-29-2006, 08:22 AM

Rich,

I was so touched by your words.
Like it or not....the older Dad gets, the smarter we become.

We will be thinking about you. He was loved. Love has many different meanings to as many different people. Unfortunately we never know which menaing applies until it is too late.
Don't beat yourself up for anything. You will be a better Father as a result of your Father's influence. In that case he did do more for you than you thought at the time.

We all become room temperature sooner or later. My Dad is struggling with his mistakes too....you words prompt me to call him today and wish him a good one.

You just keep your spirits up. We are with you.

Brent

Mark Dalton · 10-29-2006, 11:35 AM

I'm sorry about your dad Rich. I see a lot of similar father stories here, including mine. Mom and dad divorced when I was 18 mos old so I never really knew him. He died in a house fire at 72 years old living with strangers surviving on a small VA disability pension. Your mom may need you to be there for her and it may help you too in the long run. We're with you no matter what you decide. God bless.

**Rich Z** · 10-29-2006, 12:26 PM

Thanks for all the kind words, folks. Honestly, I don't think my mom is taking this hard at all. She divorced him because he couldn't stay out of the bars, and certainly for other reasons as well. So the bars finally killed him. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that was going to happen.

Actually I thought some day I would get a call from him needing help. I often wondered what I would say to him if that were to happen. Now I guess I will never know.

Last I heard his body was at the medical examiner's. My wife (Connie) called my mom yesterday to talk with her a bit. If there are any expenses for the funeral (or whatever) we will pay them. I can't see having my mom burdened with this as she is not well off financially. Apparently my brother in Maryland and sister in Georgia didn't say much when my mom called them. Ross is the one taking it the hardest because he was down there taking care of my dad and found his body when he went to check on him. I hope Ross learns from this and gets the beer can out of his hand every waking moment. My brother in Maryland, Ronnie, is the same way. I can't recall EVER seeing him without a beer in his hand. My sister, Rhonda, appears to be very stable and has married well. Seems to be a sharp dividing line between the offspring of my mom and dad. Kind of strange when you consider we all grew up in the same environment.

Ah well.. I shed a few tears that I didn't know I had for the man. I wonder what he would have thought about that?

exile · 10-29-2006, 01:05 PM

Hey Rich, sorry to hear about your Dad. I loss my Father about ten years ago to cancer. We were never very close though I wouldn't call us estranged. Sometime there was several years between visits and it seemed to be OK for the both of us. He wasn't real involved with me while I was growing up and was pretty much gone after Mom and he divorced when I was 14 y/o.
The reason I'm going on about me is that since he died I have missed all of the things that might have been between us. He was my Father and no one else can or will be that to me. We are of the same gene pool. I am in large part him and would not have had life w/o him. He was a good man if not the best father. I miss him everyday now and am glad I was with him as his life dwindled from the cancer.
I would say be with your Mother during this time and spend a little time next to your Dad, tell him how you feel, and see if you can find forgiveness for him. It may help bring you peace with him.
I hope I haven't stepped on your toes here. What you experienced growing up is your business and is between you and your Father. I don't mean to butt in. Just wanted to share my somewhat similar experience.

My condolences............ Tom

Lou G · 10-29-2006, 05:35 PM

Rich, I am so sorry. My mother was an angel but I never knew my father well. They were divorced when I was 5 years old. He remarried and didn't bother too much with me. By chance, he met my wife and children when my youngest was 10 years old. I also received a similar call from a son from his second marriage. His son wanted to know if I wanted to come to the funeral. They were in Miami and I was living in New Jersey at the time. I thought about it but decided not to go. I would have felt out of place.
We all have a different way of mourning. Do what you feel in your heart.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
God bless.

NVR LAT · 10-29-2006, 10:32 PM

I lost my dad about 6 years ago. There were times in life that we weren't close at all, but later in life we managed to put things behind us and actually become friends. I'm sorry you and your dad never got close, but please accept my condolences for your loss. Just reading your thread reminded me of my dad and the day he died...I'll never forget the sadness and empty feeling I felt that day. Good luck to you brother and God Bless. If your ever in the East Central part of the state, look me up, I'd be honored to drink a beer with you sir!

als2052 · 10-30-2006, 11:40 AM

Sorry for your loss.

EB-Z · 10-31-2006, 12:35 PM

My condolences also Rich,
I lost my father in 89. I wasn't close to him since my 20's but going to the service didn't even come to me as a choice. I went to support the family and to make sure I made the last gesture for closure's sake. I never regretted doing it. One of my sisters skipped and now wished she had gone for the same reason. Just my .02

Best wishes

Chuck.

Shadow · 10-31-2006, 08:53 PM

So sorry to hear about your dad Rich

As you know I lost my dad sept. last year. Its a tough thing no matter what the relationship.

My condolences rich