Funny Stun Gun Story

[Gary S]

This was posted on another forum. Caution my bring tears to your eyes..

STUN GUN Hilarious!!! STUN GUN (Only a guy would
> do this and I can picture several men - I'm Related
> to them by blood and marriage, doing this)
>
> Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A
> guy who purchased His lovely wife a pocket Taser for
> their anniversary submitted this:
>
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
> Pawn Shop that Sparked my interest. The occasion was
> our 15th anniversary and I was looking for A little
> something extra for my wife Julie. What I came
> across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
> The effects of the taser were Supposed to be short
> lived, with no long-term adverse affect on
> your Assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
> to safety....
>
> WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device
> and brought it Home. I loaded two triple-a batteries
> in the darn thing and pushed the Button. Nothing! I
> was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I
> pushed the Button AND pressed it against a metal
> surface at the same time; I'd get the blue Arch of
> electricity darting back and forth between the
> prongs.
>
> AWESOME!!!
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what
> that burn spot is On the face of her microwave.
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new Toy, thinking
> to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only
> two Triple-A batteries, right?!!
>
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
> intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading
> the directions and thinking that I Really needed to
> try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
> I must Admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
> fraction of a second) and Thought better of it. She
> is such a sweet cat. But, if I was Going to give this
> thing to my wife to protect herself against a Mugger,
> I did want some assurance that it would work as
> advertised. Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top
> with my reading Glasses perched delicately on the
> bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, And taser
> in another. The directions said that a one-second
> burst would Shock and disorient your assailant; a
> two-second burst was supposed To cause muscle spasms
> and a major loss of bodily control; a
> three-second Burst would purportedly make your
> assailant flop on the ground like a fish Out of
> water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be
> wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at
> this little device measuring about 5" Long, less than
> 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
> (loaded With two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries)
> thinking to myself, 'no possible Way!'
>
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but
> I'll do my Best...I'm sitting there alone, Gracie
> looking on with her head cocked to One side as to
> say, 'don't do it master,' reasoning that a
> one-second Burst from such a tiny little ole thing
> couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give
> myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I
> touched The prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the
> button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS
> DESTRUCTION!!!I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in
> through the side door, picked Me up in the recliner,
> then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
> Over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on
> my side in the fetal Position, with tears in my eyes,
> body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,Testicles
> nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under
> my body in the Oddest position, and tingling in my
> legs. The cat was standing over me Making meowing
> sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
> undoubtedlyThinking to herself, 'Do it again,
> stupid, do it again !'
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself
> with a taser, one Note of caution: there is no such
> thing as a one-second burst when you zap Yourself.
> You will not let go of that thing until it is
> dislodged from Your hand by a violent thrashing
> about on the floor. A three-second Burst would be
> considered conservative. A minute or so later (I
> can't be sure, as Time was a relative thing at that
> point), collected my wits (what little I had Left),
> sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
> glasses were on the mantel Of the fireplace. How did
> they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and
> both Nipples were still twitching. My face felt
> like it had been shot up with Novocain, And my
> bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my
> testicles! I'm offering a Significant reward for
> their safe return. Still in shock.
>
> P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly
> threatens me with it!
>
> 'If you think Education is difficult, try being
> stupid'. STUN GUNS AND REDNECKS DO NOT MIX. Ha ha

[Rich Z]

[Kap142]

Can we say Darwin Awards?

[als2052]

Priceless...

[Pres712]

I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes!!! The reason it's so funny is that I can imagine myself doing this! Who doesn't want to know what it really can do? Never mind, we all now know. Thanks for being a test subject. What's next???

[sandman]

We must be related. My roommate came home with one and said how powerful it was. He said it would knock me over. I said give me that thing. I lifted my shirt up and put it literaly on my (can I say this) tit and pulled or pushed the button. I started laughing. I handed it back to him and told him he needs to get his money back. Thank God he bought a piece of junk!! If I buy my girlfriend one I definitly won't try a quality one on myself.

SM

[ynkedad]

That was too funny!!!

[rocket1]

I think I saw your testicles headed south on 95 around St. Augustine.

[fletcher4u]

LONG LOST UNCLE AL

[THOR]

Looks like a stunt from the jackass movie.