Blood everywhere

vett boy · 04-16-2009, 07:39 PM

I'm seldom home as I travel a lot.Today I got home early and my wife asked if I'd cook some burgers on the grill and of coarse I agreed.
The neighbor has one of those yuppie farms .One of their goats got loose and barrels up the driveway and knocks my to the ground.I'm scheduled to go in for tendon repairs soon and I can't get up that easily.My dog Lizzie goes ballistic (part pit bull )then the English bull dog attacks .I yelled for my wife to get the dogs into the house .In the process the goat bolts threw the screen door into the kitchen .
The goat and the two dogs are on top of my wife and the dogs are rabid by this time.
I'm screwed up bad by this time only equal to passing a kidney stone during birth.I go for the closest gun which was a 22 pistol.I had to be careful not to shoot the wife because I really like her.I get three rounds off before the gun jambs

I can't get the shell out of the barrel and get it clear,the the damn thing falls apart.The wife gets the dogs into the pantry and she escapes.The goat is pizzin' blood all over the walls ,carpet but at least he's down but alive.
All the rest of the guns are in the gun safe and I don't want to leave the greater area so I call my second neighbor who didn't want to get involved.Finally I called 911 and the sheriff came within 45 minutes .He drug the critter out still alive and shot it in the drive.

Other than that I've been getting obscene calls on my cell phone from a gay guy in Quebec

Jake_Dragon · 04-16-2009, 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vett boy

Other than that I've been getting obscene calls on my cell phone from a gay guy in Quebec

How do you know hes gay? he could just be a snappy dresser.

Hope you feel better soon, nothing worse than being laid up and not able to move.

vett boy · 04-16-2009, 09:30 PM

Oh no he's gay alright

Here try his number 418 235 4386 ---it's in Tadoussac quebec

85vette · 04-16-2009, 09:43 PM

Is your nickname "Lucky" by any chance?

Coastal · 04-16-2009, 10:03 PM

So, how were those burgers?

vett boy · 04-16-2009, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coastal

So, how were those burgers?

The sheriff bagged it so he gets the burgers .

I've also discovered two bullet holes in the kitchen wall ,great conversation piece when my wife has her church group over.

And of coarse the neighbor came over all upset I shot her pet goat

Naturally it's the one her kids played with .

Spinedoc · 04-16-2009, 10:54 PM

Guess you can always eat some mountain oysters...

THOR · 04-16-2009, 11:42 PM

At first I'm thinking that this is one tall tale and I'm waiting for the punch line at the end. Then I realize this is one heck of a story and crappy day for you. I couldn't help laughing though anf hope your recuperation is speedy.

vett boy · 04-17-2009, 12:30 AM

Well i'm do a hell of a lot better than the goat .

Shadow · 04-17-2009, 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vett boy

Well i'm do a hell of a lot better than the goat .

You sure?

Quote:

I had to be careful not to shoot the wife because I really like her

.

Man! Sounds like a hell of a day! I'm with Thor. I thought it belonged in the just for laughs section until I realized there was no punch line

What a day my friend. Sounds really Baaaaaaaaaddd (sorry-couldn't resists)

Hope you mend quickly and avoid goats at all costs