• Got the Contributing Memberships stuff finally worked out and made up a thread as a sort of "How-To" to help people figure out how to participate. So if you need help figuring it out, here's the thread you need to take a look at -> http://www.corvetteflorida.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3581 Thank you, everyone! Rich Z.

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  1. 85vette

    Another Redneck Joke!!

    A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to...
  2. 85vette

    Redneck Joke!

    After living in the remote wilderness of Wakulla County, Florida all his life, an old redneck named Lem decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city’s stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, “How about that! Here’s a picture of my...
  3. 85vette

    I know people like this!

    A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before." "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon...
  4. 85vette

    They'll get every last nickel.....

    A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a nickel. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickel and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in...
  5. 85vette

    Occupational Hazzard

    A man wakes up one morning In Bozeman, Montana to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got...
  6. 85vette

    Wanna play some Golf?

    A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the...
  7. 85vette

    Caution: You may fall out of your chair....

    These notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from Boston: Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The #3 Judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking...
  8. 85vette

    You'll love this one!

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red Corvette and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she...
  9. 85vette

    As a matter of fact...

    Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to...
  10. 85vette

    For the Ladies!

    Male Strippers Last night, my blond friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls, Jenny, wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, Jenny licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone...
  11. 85vette

    The Butler did it!

    Once upon a time, in a country manor somewhere: the lady of the house told James, the butler, that she and her husband would be out very late that night, and that the butler was free to retire early if he liked. Arriving home alone, and much earlier than expected, the lady of the house called...
  12. 85vette

    Illegal Aliens

    Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien...
  13. 85vette

    The Purina Diet

    I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........Duh!I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital...
  14. 85vette

    Ain't nobody here but us chickens!

    John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. > >He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten > >roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs (for you city > >folks). > > > >The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into > >the soup pot...
  15. 85vette

    Be careful what you wish for!!

    Two men are driving through Florida when they get pulled over by a County Deputy. The Deputy walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHAP, the Deputy smacks him in the head with the stick. "What the hell was that for?" the driver asks. "You're in...
  16. 85vette

    Ouch!!

    In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in a saloon one...
  17. 85vette

    You can't make some people happy

    An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he got...
  18. 85vette

    Bad day in South Dakota

    A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I...
  19. 85vette

    Had a close one yesterday!

    I was headed to Tallahassee yesterday evening, around 7:30 I'm going past the Wal-Mart in Crawfordville, when I see an older, 80's model brown Dodge extended cab truck coming out of the parking lot exit, and he's not even looking my way!! I pulled into the other lane to avoid the collision ( I'm...
  20. 85vette

    Kids say the darndest things!

    One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and...
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