• Got the Contributing Memberships stuff finally worked out and made up a thread as a sort of "How-To" to help people figure out how to participate. So if you need help figuring it out, here's the thread you need to take a look at -> http://www.corvetteflorida.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3581 Thank you, everyone! Rich Z.

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  1. 85vette

    Is This Anybody Here?

    An old man is sitting alone on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by, sees him, and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have more money than I could ever spend, a huge mansion and estate, and a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice...
  2. 85vette

    Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No!' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' 'Yes!' she replied. Then I said, 'I'd like to phone a friend.' That's the last thing...
  3. 85vette

    Don't you hate it when that happens?!

    It's the summer of 1956 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" Peggy Sue's...
  4. 85vette

    State Trooper

    A Florida State Trooper stopped a car for going 86 mph on I-95 about 2 miles south of The Georgia/Florida state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered That he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to Do a show that night at the...
  5. 85vette

    Satan!

    A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil...
  6. 85vette

    True

    A grade school teacher in upstate New York, asked her class how many of them are 'Hillary fans'. Not really knowing what a Hillary fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except one boy. The teacher asked Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny...
  7. 85vette

    Another Redneck Joke!!

    A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to...
  8. 85vette

    Redneck Joke!

    After living in the remote wilderness of Wakulla County, Florida all his life, an old redneck named Lem decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city’s stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, “How about that! Here’s a picture of my...
  9. 85vette

    I know people like this!

    A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before." "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon...
  10. 85vette

    They'll get every last nickel.....

    A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a nickel. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickel and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in...
  11. 85vette

    Occupational Hazzard

    A man wakes up one morning In Bozeman, Montana to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got...
  12. 85vette

    Wanna play some Golf?

    A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the...
  13. 85vette

    Caution: You may fall out of your chair....

    These notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from Boston: Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The #3 Judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking...
  14. 85vette

    You'll love this one!

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red Corvette and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she...
  15. 85vette

    As a matter of fact...

    Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to...
  16. 85vette

    For the Ladies!

    Male Strippers Last night, my blond friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls, Jenny, wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, Jenny licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone...
  17. 85vette

    The Butler did it!

    Once upon a time, in a country manor somewhere: the lady of the house told James, the butler, that she and her husband would be out very late that night, and that the butler was free to retire early if he liked. Arriving home alone, and much earlier than expected, the lady of the house called...
  18. 85vette

    Illegal Aliens

    Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien...
  19. 85vette

    The Purina Diet

    I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........Duh!I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital...
  20. 85vette

    Ain't nobody here but us chickens!

    John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. > >He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten > >roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs (for you city > >folks). > > > >The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into > >the soup pot...
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